Raymond

I've been keeping a journal for the past couple of months since Larry was diagnosed with a thyroid tumor. I'll post past entries later but right now we are in the thick of valiant battle. After a month of 'stable symptoms' he has taken a turn for the worse.

If anyone has experience with thyroid tumors, please speak up.

Here are the entries for the past few days:

11/23/08

Larry woke up this morning after a quiet nite’s rest and started gagging and vomiting nothing but foam. Very little else. And kept doing with prolonged heaving/gagging. He’s resting now, probably exhausted. I think it is the tumor causing a continual gag reflex. I hope the remedies coming will reverse this.

Yesterday’s ‘test’ of not putting any supplements in his food seemed to suggest they are causing the after meal vomiting. After throwing up yesterday morning I decided to see if it was the supplements. Three subsequent feedings in afternoon and evening had no post meal vomiting.

So, once we get settled down this morning and I can feed him I’ll start adding in one supplement at a time to see if there is a reaction. I’ll start with what I think are the most important. The Petsiac and then the K-9 Immunity. I’m also feeding smaller portions more frequently. I think today well do 4-5 feedings.

Throwing up in morning. 5-6 times. None this afternoon.

6:30 PM threw up 3-4 times after feeding third time 12-6:30. First time all afternoon. Debra (wife) says we should put him to sleep. She thinks he is suffering. I think he’s uncomfortable and a little agitated once in awhile. She said she heard him tell her he was ready to go. She said she felt like a bad person seeing him so uncomfortable.

11/24/08
I’m so sad. Even Dan (adult son) think’s Larry should be put down.

Box of hope arrived in the form of the medicinals from Dr. Shaeffer’s office. We started the Plussing Method of administering the homeopathic remedies. A two hr. process. That ended at around 5. I gave him a little food- 4 tbls. With the Liverplex, ½ capsule. As Deb & I had dinner he was quite calm. No vomiting. At 7:30 I gave him about 5-6 tbls. of raw hamburger with the tincture and a little more Liverplex. He loved it- was licking the bowl afterwards. It’s almost 9 and he’s calm + no vomiting. I’m encouraged.

11/25/08

8:30 AM Pretty restful night except for a little breathing episode. He calmed down and went into rest mode.

This morning Larry was pretty lethargic then started throwing up before even coming upstairs. 5 times so far. Went outside (cold) for a bit, peed and pooped and threw up once. It’s very viscous and foamy. No food. This is not good. We’ll see if he eats this morning. I'm trying to hide my crying from him. I just don't want to give up hope.

Wt: 36.2lbs. up from 34 last week 

Raymond

10:30 AM- After a rough early morning I was very concerned about feeding him breakfast but so far so good. I gave him about 8 tbls. of raw hamburger, a little Pet Mix mix, 1/2 capsule Liverplex, 1 dropper full of Essiac Tincture. That was over an hour ago and he hasn't thrown up. He's breathing pretty good, ears are up. I am looking for the slightest signs of stabilization/improvement.

I will feed a small serving again in about an hour and see how it goes. Larry is putting up an amazing fight. I asked him several times this morning, usually threw tears, if he was ready to go. I didn't see/feel any indication that he is. At least for now we count more moments together, gazing into each others eyes, one with hope the other love.

Raymond

As he lays besides me calm and relaxed it is so hard to believe he is fighting for his life. I look at him and his tail does its little quick flutter. As if to say “enjoy the moment dad, it’s cool.” So I turn on the senses and soak in the moment while tears role down my cheeks. He is so adorable.

2:00 PM- Dr. Shaeffer calls. (She is an associate of Dr. Ulbrick's mentioned in Ted's book.) We have quick update- she agrees we need to minimize supplement intake and keep portions small. I mentioned what I thought was a subluxation ¾ down his spine. She said that would be associated with either the stomach or diaphragm. I will use acupressure there since I don’t know how to give an adjustment to a dog. And hold a healing and wellness image.
3:10 PM- two meals later, no throwing up. Small quantities seem to help.
3:30 PM- he threw up this last meal. He’s agitated too. May have more to heave.
4:30 PM- gave him a little food. Ate it right up, kept it down.
5:00 PM- started today’s Plussing. Like yesterday’s dosing, he seems calmer.

Raymond

Larry is doing the same thing this morning as yesterday- throwing up. Just white viscous foam. No food. Which means yesterday afternoon’s meals stayed in him. I am taking hope in what Ted says about starting homeopathic remedies. Symptoms can appear to worsen as a prelude the healing. I’m hoping that’s the case with Larry boy.

He finally ate about 11. Small amount, no throw up. He was asking for more at 1PM today. Gave him small serving. He’s throwing up multiple times. Showing discomfort. I spent some time with him to settle him down. Better now.

5:30- two more meals staying in him. :-) Much calmer- quite alert.
8:30- after two more small meals, not vomiting, calm. We are starting the Plussing which he is extremely patient with.

I’ve become very efficient at cleaning up vomit. Never seen so much vomit. Mostly white, foamy and real thick. After a couple of days going through a roll of paper towels a day I said there has to be a better way. So now I go on barf patrol with a large cooking spoon, a plastic container and a small wet towel. Scoop up the bulk (which is most of it) wipe up the rest. I’ve almost got it down to one motion.

I’ve been reading other peoples experiences on the forum and find it surprisingly comforting. As is the journaling.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I’m thankful for my wonderful family and that my companion of 11 years is spending this Turkey Day with us.

Raymond

Larry had a pretty rough evening last night. I think with the extra commotion of additional family being around really wore him out. He didn’t keep food down very well. Worse was his difficulty breathing and resulting anxiousness. Watching him like this tears my heart apart. He doesn’t deserve this. So many years being the best friend ever. Nothing but giving unconditional love. So hard. I feel bad that I’m not stronger and he has to see me like this. I don’t want his last memories of me to be like that- if only I could be as brave as him.

He’s resting pretty comfortably this morning. Still downstairs. I think I will carry him upstairs, he’s so tired. We’ll see how this morning goes. I told Debra I need to make sure Dr. Brown (our local vet) is in town.

Now if I could just stop crying.

Benpaws

Dear Raymond,
I have just finished reading your journal on Larry and my heart goes out to you. You are sure being a very tender and caring guardian to your best furry friend.
I,like you cannot stop the crying and have to lock myself in my closet so Benny doesn't hear me. If he does, his little schnauzer ears go back and he looks longingly at me with those soulful brown eyes and the tears just run down my cheeks and drop from my chin.

Benny's Mast Cell Tumour is growing and he has been so itchy for the past few days. The benadryl is not helping anymore and he is starting to take prednisone but I don't like the side-effects I have read about. Last night he had an "accident" in the middle of the night and didn't bother to wake us up to let him out. So unlike him.

I kiss him on his furry little grey head many times a day and whisper how much I love him and NEED him to stay with me for just a little while longer. He gives me those "puppy sighs" and my heart aches for him and for me. I guess I am kind of selfish because I am not ready to let him go across that "RAINBOW BRIDGE."

Hug Larry for me and I hope things improve and you have him with you over the Christmas Season. I don't know why we are given these "bumps" in our path but the heartache is at times unbearable.

I am glad you had Larry with you over the American Thanksgiving.

I am Canadian and our Thanksgiving is in October and as we all lit our individual candles and talked about what we are thankful for, my number one was "my BenPaws" the best little schnauzer in the world.

Take care of yourself and Larry.

Sincerely, Joanne

Raymond

Hi Joanne,

I've been following your chronicles with your dear Benny. When I was a kid (many, many years ago) we had a schnauzer. They are so energetic and loving.

I can't thank you enough for posting here. I've wondered if anyone was reading my nonesense and sap. I don't know why it is so comforting to share these trials with those who are also in the thick of it but it is.

I am sorry to read about what I call the progression of symptoms. Each day, each hour right now, I look for hope the 'progression' at least stops. I pray for stability of symptoms. At the same time I ask for the courage to make the right decision at the right time. God is good, he will help us through this and make us stronger and wiser in the end.

Please keep sharing.

--Raymond & Larry

Raymond

10:30- Hasn’t eaten any breakfast. This is a first time for not even trying to eat.
Why are his eyes so puffy and swollen? One eye is so red. And they both are runny. I’ve given him a tranquilizer for the first time also. He’s relaxing better now. He’s not wagging his little tail when I talk to him. His ears are back.

It’s a still grey morning. No ripples on the lake outside my window. No traffic, eerily quiet and I draw within my own solitude. I have set out Larry’s blanket which I will bury him in, along with his ‘jester’ collar. It’s a festive colored frilly thing that he always like to have put on him to show off. Like those jester costumes with those little points. Instead of bells on the points there are sequins. I can’t put it one him now because of the tumor around his neck. But I will when his spirit moves on. I think I need to go start digging in the backyard. I can hardly believe I’m saying this.

I'M NOT READY TO GIVE UP!!!

Benpaws

My Dear Raymond,
How very sad I am after reading your latest report on Larry today. Benny also has a favourite blanket which our last schnauzer Willie died on when he had renal failure in 2001. Willie was 13, but Benny is merely 6 and the sighting by me of a very small lump before he was 4 went undiagnosed and was said to be "nothing to worry about." Yeah, right. Two years later it was removed as a Mast Cell Stage 2 tumour and was in remission until this past July and now Benny is dying.

That collar sounds just STUNNING and Larry will feel happy to wear it. How wonderful! Take a picture if you are able. Gosh this is tough stuff!!!

It sure does help to talk with each other and know that the "pain" we are feeling here is "universal."

Yes, God will take care of our beloved and loyal companions as they get ready to cross that " Rainbow Bridge" and wait for us. Sometimes, I wish I could go on ahead and wait for Benny.

I don't know if you read the story I shared about THE JOURNEY which was sent to me after Willie's death. It is sad but oh so very true. How much these furry boys and girls teach us humans about what really matters in this world. Their loyalty and unconditional love is immeasurable and they will forever remain on oue hearts and in our minds and in our very souls.

God Bless you and Larry. Give him a kiss on the head for me and tell him others want him to be at peace. Keep us posted.

You may have read this before, but it is worth reading again...


The Journey

When you bring a pet into your life, you begin a journey. A journey that will bring you more
love and devotion than you have ever known, yet will also test your strength and courage. If
you allow, the journey will teach you many things,about life, about yourself, and most of all,
about love. You will come away changed forever, for one soul cannot touch another without
leaving its mark. Along the way, you will learn much about savoring life's simple pleasures --
jumping in leaves, snoozing in the sun, the joys of puddles, and even the satisfaction of a
good scratch behind the ears. If you spend much time outside, you will be taught how to truly
experience every element, for no rock, leaf, or log will go unexamined, no rustling bush will
be overlooked, and even the very air will be inhaled, pondered, and noted as being full of
valuable information.

Your pace may be slower, except when heading home to the food dish, but you will become a
better naturalist, having been taught by an expert in the field. Too many times we hike on
automatic pilot, our goal being to complete the trail rather than enjoy the journey. We miss
the details; the colorful mushrooms on the rotting log, the honeycomb in the old maple snag,
the hawk feather caught on a twig.

Once we walk as a dog does, we discover a whole new world. We stop; we browse the landscape,
we kick over leaves, peek in tree holes, look up, down, all around. And we learn what any dog
knows that nature has created a marvelously complex world that is full of surprises, that each
cycle of the seasons bring ever changing wonders, each day an essence all its own, each
day a gift from God.

Even from indoors you will find yourself more attuned to the world around you. You will find
yourself watching: summer insects collecting on a screen; how bizarre they are; how many kinds
there are or noting the flick and flash of fireflies through the dark. You will stop to
observe the swirling dance of windblown leaves, or sniff the air after a rain. It does
not matter that there is no objective in this; the point is in the doing, in not letting
life's most important details slip by.

You will find yourself doing silly things that your pet-less friends might not understand:
spending thirty minutes in the grocery aisle looking for the cat food brand your feline must
have, buying dog birthday treats, or driving around the block an extra time because your pet
enjoys the ride. You will roll in the snow, wrestle with chewie toys, bounce little rubber
balls till your eyes cross and even run around the house trailing your bathrobe tie with a cat
in hot pursuit, all in the name of love.

Your house will become muddier and hairier. You will wear less dark clothing and buy more
lint rollers. You may find dog biscuits in your pocket or purse, and feel the need to explain
that an old plastic shopping bag adorns your living room rug because your cat loves the
crinkly sound. You will learn the true measure of love. The steadfast, undying kind that
says,''It doesn't matter where we are or what we do, or how life treats us as long as we are
together''

Respect this always. It is the most precious gift any living soul can give another. You will
not find it often among the human race. And you will learn humility. The look in my dog's
eyes often made me feel ashamed. Such joy and love at my presence. She saw not some flawed
human who could be cross and stubborn, moody or rude, but only her wonderful companion. Or
maybe she saw those things and dismissed them as mere human foibles, not worth considering,
and so chose to love me anyway.

If you pay attention and learn well, when the journey is done, you will be not just a better
person, but the person your pet always knew you to be. The one they were proud to call beloved
friend.

I must caution you that this journey is not without pain. Like all paths of true love, the
pain is part of loving. For as surely as the sun sets, one day your dear animal companion
will follow a trail you cannot yet go down. And you will have to find the strength and love to
let them go. A pet's time on earth is far too short, especially for those that love them. We
borrow them, really, just for a while, and during these brief years they are generous enough
to give us all their love every inch of their spirit and heart, until one day there is nothing
left. The cat that only yesterday was a kitten is all too soon old and frail and sleeping in
the sun. The young pup of boundless energy now wakes up stiff and lame, the muzzle gone to
gray.

Deep down we somehow always knew that this journey would end. We knew that if we gave our
hearts they would be broken. But give them we must for it is all they ask in return. When

the time comes, and the road curves ahead to a place we cannot see, we give one final gift and
let them run on ahead, young and whole once more. ''God speed, good friend,'' we say, until
our journey comes full circle and our paths cross again.

And bless their souls for sharing their lives with us...and adding so much to our very
existence.


Author Unknown.

Raymond

Thank you so much for your comforting words. I gave Larry a tramadol and he is resting now.

I did read The Journey when you first posted it. Yes, so true. We have no idea the depth of our relationship with our furry companions until times like these. I thank God for bringing Larry into my life. I pray for the wisdom to know when the time has come for Larry to move on.

My dear vet just returned my urgent message checking to see if he is in town. He is cutting his out of town trip short to come back- to perform a C-section on another dog. He said he would take a look at Larry and give me his assessment. I'm preparred for the worse, hoping and praying for the best.

This forum is so wonderful the way we can reach out to each other. No one hear is thinking or saying "they are just dogs, why all the emotion." Indeed, I think our love and bond with our beloved pets is what makes us human, the kind and caring type.

Please keep us updated on Benny. Treasure every moment with him. I gave Larry the kiss on the head, he sends back peace and love.