Kerri

Hi Raymond

I agree with Joanne your sharing did bring comfort to me. My thoughts & prayers are with you, Larry & Halo.

Raymond

After last night it is evident Larry’s quality of life is not good. He struggled for several hours with breathing. Just laying very still, panting, trying to get enough oxygen. This morning he is calm, ate a couple tablespoons of baby food.

I have not mentioned another animal that we have who’s time has come. We have Murray, a 13 year old cat. Even though he has been with us that long, he was left by one of the kids when she moved out after getting married. Murray has never been a particularly affectionate cat. I’ll spare everyone all the details. He has decided to stop using his litter box and is making a mess out of my garage office. It’s time to put him down. We have scheduled 7 PM tonight at the vets for Murray to cross the Rainbow Bridge. While sad it is not as gut wrenching as with Larry.

On top of everything today is my wife’s (Debra) birthday. Last night she was pretty emotional about the cat and Larry and she said she was worried about me. That was a wake-up call. I’m supposed to be the rock of strength for the family- which I usually am. So after everyone went to bed, I put on some quiet meditation music for Larry and I and prayed. God made it clear that putting my attention on HIM would ease my pain for Larry. HE is in control. God gave me such peace about everything and I am thankful. I don’t need to let all my emotions have such free reign. God is good and HE is who I look to for peace.

As I type this morning Larry is struggling again. Not as bad but definitely uncomfortable with occasional vomiting. Not much comes out however. He is looking so tired. I don’t want to give up hope. I also don’t want him to suffer.

I cannot thank the people here enough who have reached out to me with their care and comfort. It really is amazing.

Joanne & Keri, thank you for the emails and posts. They mean the world to me right now. God bless all of you and your kind hearts. Peace.

Here is Larry and Murray last nite. Yes Murray is a big cat- was 19 lbs. Less now since he's sick.

Kerri

Hi Raymond

Ohh to be going thru 2 sick animals, my heart goes out to you & Debra. Some days I know are trying and you must ask yourself..why me..
Here is a quote I received when I was dealing with Goobie's sickness. It brought me comfort ....hope it does the same for you.

God didn't promise us days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain but he did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

Here for you
Kerri

maria

Hi Raymond I know how tired you must be I am so tired and drained myself caring for Murray I sleep very little listening to him breath while he sleeps he also has some restless nights and I am glad you can be home with Larry I still have to go to work so he is home by himself most of the day. I Will go to work until he needs me to be with him. i just want to cry but i'm holding it together for him. I cry at work with my coworker which helps. Tomorrow I'm taking him for a sonogram of his throat to see where we are at so i can see how much it shrunk, Also Tuesday we go back to the holistic Dr. I will keep you posted. please take care of yourself, easier said than done.You are a special person and Larry is lucky to have you and he knows he is we will continue to pray for you and Larry Maria (Murray)

Benpaws

My Dear Raymond,
I have been sitting here crying for you and for Larry and for Murray and your wife. Too much for you to deal with and too much sorrow. I KNOW your pain and I FEEL your pain. I have been searching for the right words and I think this might help, you will no doubt cry as I am now but it is quite beautiful.
I am also praying for Halo who must feel some of this sadness too. The pictures you have included with your journals of Larry are beautiful. Larry will never be far, always in your heart, forever in your memories.

Living Love

If you ever love an animal, there are three days in your life you will always remember...
The first is a day, blessed with happiness, when you bring home your young new friend. You may have spent weeks deciding on a breed. You may have asked numerous opinions of many vets, or done long research in finding a breeder. Or, perhaps in a fleeting moment, you may have just chosen that silly looking mutt in a shelter - simply because something in its eyes reached your heart. But when you bring that chosen pet home, and watch it explore, and claim its special place in your hall or front room - and when you feel it brush against you for the first time - it instills a feeling of pure love you will carry with you through the many years to come.

The second day will occur eight or nine or ten years later. It will be a day like any other. Routine and unexceptional. But, for a surprising instant, you will look at your long-time friend and see age where you once saw youth. You will see slow deliberate steps where you once saw energy. And you will see sleep where you once saw activity. So you will begin to adjust your friend's diet - and you may add a pill or two to her food. And you may feel a growing fear deep within yourself, which bodes of a coming emptiness. And you will feel this uneasy feeling, on and off, until the third day finally arrives.

And on this day - if your friend and God have not decided for you, then you will be faced with making a decision of your own - on behalf of your lifelong friend, and with the guidance of your own deepest Spirit. But whichever way your friend eventually leaves you - you will feel as alone as a single star in the dark night. If you are wise, you will let the tears flow as freely and as often as they must. And if you are typical, you will find that not many in your circle of family or friends will be able to understand your grief, or comfort you. But if you are true to the love of the pet you cherished through the many joy-filled years, you may find that a soul - a bit smaller in size than your own - seems to walk with you, at times, during the lonely days to come. And at moments when you least expect anything out of the ordinary to happen, you may feel something brush against your leg - very, very lightly. And looking down at the place where your dear, perhaps dearest, friend used to lie - you will remember those three significant days. The memory will most likely be painful, and leave an ache in your heart. As time passes, the ache will come and go as it has a life of its own. You will both reject it and embrace it, and it may confuse you. If you reject it, it will depress you. If you embrace it, it will deepen you. Either way, it will still be an ache.

But there will be, I assure you, a fourth day when - along with the memory of your pet - and piercing through the heaviness in your heart - there will come a realization that belongs only to you. It will be as unique and strong as our relationship with each animal we have loved, and lost. This realization takes the form of a Living Love - like the heavenly scent of a rose that remains after the petals have wilted, this love will remain and grow - and be there for us to remember. It is a love we have earned. It is the legacy our pets leave us when they go. And it is a gift we may keep with us as long as we live. It is a love which is ours alone. And until we ourselves leave, perhaps to join our beloved pets - it is a love that we will always possess.

~ Written by Martin Scot Kosins, Author of "Maya's First Rose"

Larry knows he is loved. How lucky he is to have you Raymond. You can lean on me and others here who know exactly how you are feeling right this very moment. The pain is unlike any other except perhaps, the loss of a child. God Be With You at this very sad time.

In Friendship,
Joanne

P.S. Kerri, that was just beautiful. The quote was something my father often said to me. How true it is, when a sorrow arises such as we are all going through here right now with our beloved dogs, we cannot go "over" or "under" or "around" but we have to go "through" as painful as it is. God will be there holding our hands and guiding us every step of the way.

Raymond

...Larry is soon to follow.

Murray went peacefully. I didn’t realize it was a two step process. First the general anesthesia shot and then the euthanizing chemicals. I will be better prepared mentally for Larry’s time. (I hope and pray I am)

Given Larry’s deteriorating condition and the toll this is taking on my family, I will probably have the vet come by the house tonight. I am going to go start digging a grave for Larry in a special spot for him in the yard. It will be hard but I think the whole digging and burial process will bring closure. I’ve got to be strong for Larry and the rest of my family. I’m telling Larry that he won’t have to suffer much longer and how much I love him.

Raymond

Oh so very comforting Joanne. Thank you, thank you. I wish I could say more but for now I am experiencing the pain of the moment, going 'through', embracing my humaness, praying and thanking God for the comfort he gives me and for the wonderful dog lovers here providing so much support. I look forward to moving past this, no matter how painful.

Raymond

The vet has been called. The grave has been dug. Larry and I have spent several hours of quiet time. I am at peace and so is he. Strangely so. I think this is what others talk about- “you’ll know when it’s time.” I just finished grooming him and telling him what a handsome boy he is. As usual he enjoyed it. Squinting eyes and all. You know, the squint that says “that feels soooo good.”

The vet arrives at 5:45 PM Pacific (8:45 Eastern). If you are inclined it would be pretty cool to light a candle around that time and pray for Larry’s peaceful crossing the Rainbow Bridge and that his family gives him a happy farewell. He will be so much happier playing with the other dogs, feeling his healthy self again. Yep, that’s my image. Join in if you like.

On our dining table I have set out a dozen candles in front of a bouquet of fresh flowers. I’ve set out his bowl filled with some of the hair I just got in the brush grooming him along with his sweater and ‘jester collar’.

Blessings to each of you with such big hearts who love your pet so much

Kerri

Raymond

Please watch Halo I feel he know's what is happening that is why he was laying so close to Larry. Not sure how close to Murray he was however he will notice him gone and now Larry.
Know that we are here to provide you with support as you take the next step.
In regards to Larry you will know when it is time. You do have to look at his quality of life and his suffering.
My thoughts, tears & prayers are with you!

Kerri

Raymond

Only God can create the peace that passeth all understanding.

In my final moments with Larry I'm praying, I ask that nagging question to God, ‘am I doing the right thing at the right time’. With His usual grandeur and splendor He shows me this outside my office window.




Check out the geese in the lower right- taking flight as if to say Larry will soon be chasing the geese to flight from the shore like he has always loved to do.



Tell me what you see...