TJandDante

My heart is broken into a million tiny jagged pieces.

Dante had a good day yesterday. I took him for his walk, he was out in the yard when my son came to visit and he rushed to meet him like usual. He ate well, although he didnt seem to want his treat before bed, he took it-probably to make me happy. This morning instead of bursting through my bedroom door to be let out to pee, he kind of limped in and semi collapsed to the floor. He managed to get up and we got him out to pee. He then walked by the eating cats and would not look at food or water. He laid on his bed and was breathing rapid shallow breaths,about 60-100 per minute. I called an emergency vet and asked if he was telling us its time, and how could he go from doing pretty good yesterday to this overnight? But I felt the new lymph node behind his other ffont leg and it had grown really big since I discovered it 4 days ago. And it was evident Dante could not or would not swallow.

Even though I was a sceptic as far as "the dog will let you know when it's time to let him go", Dante did. I called my husband back home and our grown sons and together the 4 of us took Dante for his last car ride. Unbelievably he wagged his tail the whole way, breathing so fast. He peed on the vets bushes and we took him in.

His passing was as quick and as quiet as you could ever hope for (especially because every trip to the vets has been traumatic for him and he does not like his paws touched.)We spread a nice thick blanket of ours from our youngest son's bed, so he could have the smell of him there too-he is deployed to the middle East), and we all got on the floor with him. My middle son put Dante's head in his lap and he didnt even move or look when the vet tech shaved his hind leg and put the needle in. We stroked and talked him "to sleep". He just relaxed-thats all. She made sure he was gone, and left us with him. We loved him for a long time and then covered him up.

I am in such horrible pain BUT I am comforted because we did not let him suffer. He DID tell me it was time to go. He DID still have quality and dignity through his very last day and in his 8 3/4 years with us, he never peed or pooped in the house, not even today when he was struggling and in pain. I had been reading about the euthanasia process over the last few days and even last night I told myself I could not do it, I wouldn't be able to go through with it. But I did. Don't fear it-it's the last gift you can give your sweet loving companion. They trust us always to do the right thing.

He was my very best friend. He has seen me through each child leaving the nest, and through our empty nest, and through two sons in the military and two deployments. He was the most loved dog and friend in the entire world.
He is now running free and long, with all the dogs he wants to befriend. He is sitting at the knee of my sister and her baby that died at birth, and my dad.

One thing, those of you who still have your beloved but sick pets with you . NEVER give up hope. We didn't, and Dante knew it. Right to the end.

josie

I am crying buckets for you right now. Just a week after we lost Wisp. This disease was bearable for them right up until they told us, huh...
So so so difficult. I was just talking to my best friend who actually lost a dog from it being it by a car. She said it took months of grieving. But you see the difference- that was a tragedy. Our dogs lived wonderful lives and unfortunately got very ill. We had to make that most horrible decision for them but it was done out of pure love. And getting through that was one tough thing. Now the part is living in a house without them.
We do have another dog who does know. Her life has improved however immediately as Wisp was not an off-leash dog. I spent all those years protecting her from herself! So now Mags can run free at the park and play. But she is sad at home. She has even been getting into bed with me and the baby right next to me- something she has never done in her eleven years.
I know what you say about losing others. This was worse for me than my father dying last year. But when I was crying so hard I couldn't bear the pain, I asked for God's help. And I swear my father's voice came clear into my head and said "I'll take care of her". Amazing. And i am not a religious person. It's the hardest most painful thing we have ever faced. My husband is taking it especially hard as he was the one who walked them everyday. He can't bear to take Mags alone. So we all bundle up in the cold and go as a family.
TJ- thank you for being there for me and I am here for you. When you posted a couple of weeks ago "Dante has taken his last walk", I fell apart. Just knowing that this disease was going to win. Then I got some more hope when he turned around. And who would have known that we were just days away from losing our girl...
I am so very sorry. I hope you are able to look at pictures of Dante and smile, remembering what a wonderful best friend he was to you. That is actually really helping me right now. And I am glad that you were able to do what needed to be done for your pal.
Josie xo

alyson

Oh TJ, Im so so sorry, my heart goes out to you and your family, Dante was a true fighter! and a very brave little boy to tell you it was time for him to go to heaven. There are no words to ease your broken heart or take the pain away, just knowing that we here share you pain and loss,will brings some comfort to you.

prays to you and your family.
Alyson, molly and im sure my billy in heaven will be waiting to play withDante.

Benpaws

My Dear TJ,
I just finished responding to the other post on Dante and then I read this one. How beautifully you expressed everything in it. The ending on this earth and the crossing over to the other is peaceful and despite the ache in your heart you can do it when it the decision must be made. You did it out of great love for your beloved forever friend.
How lovely to place Dante on your son's blanket and yes, he will have the scent of his dear friend when he leaves again to serve in the military. Please hug and thank both your wonderful sons for serving in the war and making the country safe for all of us on both sides of the border.
You certainly sound like a very outstanding and loving, compassionate family which I already knew from the way you posted each time.
I am sure Dante is safely in the arms of you sister and your father and will be forever in your heart, your memories and in photographs which will bring you much comfort.
I was not at the computer yesterday because our middle son Matt and his wife Fiona and darling 7 year granddaughter Isabella were here with our other two sons celebrating an early Christmas since they live 6 hours away and want to be in their own home at Christmas.
We all missed Benny, his first Christmas across RAINBOW BRIDGE and we said a prayer and shed some tears, but we know he is doing well and I feel him everywhere and every day. He is in the clouds, the raindrops, the sunshine, the snowflakes, the fresh green grass and of course, my heart.
God Bless you all!

In Great Friendship and Love,
Joanne & Puppy Shadow

I am so sorry that you lost not only your sister but her newborn baby. Too much sadness.

mybestfriend

Dear TJ, I read the other post and found this one. I am so sorry on your loss. There is nothing I can really say to ease your pain, but know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Jim

__________________
Rene, Bailey,Angel, Dolce and Jim Remembering "Daddy's girl Dasha"

TJandDante

I cannot believe the sheer pain I felt this morning when my best friend did not bust through the bedroom door to be let out. I wish I could tell you all that I feel better but I don't. I smelled his favorite blanket ( I cannot bear to wash it) and carried his leash around in my pocket. I don't know when the tears will stop=I have moments when I do okay but then they come rushing back.
Yes he had a peaceful passing-I cannot imagine a smoother transition,totally without struggle,he knew we were all there helping him. I just miss him so.

Raymond

Don't fight the grieving process. It will take time, no need to rush it. Don't beat yourself up for feeling the empty sadness. The tears will come when you least expect it, and will continue to come for some time. I've been crying this morning after reading your loss. It hurts so darn much it seems unfair. Don't be concerned what friends or family think when you are a basket case over losing A DOG. It's just a dog right? NO, Dante is part of your heart and soul and there simply is no longer the physical evidence of the relationship. I wish I could say it is easier.

For some I think it is. Our neighbor friends put their dog down recently and from all outward appearances they seem to be doing fine. I think those of us that come here are the crazies who think of their furry friends as close family.

God bless you and comfort you through this difficult time.

Benpaws

Dear TJ,
Raymond is SO CORRECT when he says not to fight the grieving process. I think I am getting better and then I come here and read something like your post on Dante and the tears start all over again.
Grieving is different for everyone and this is a very safe haven where you can come and cry and share your grief and tell us how you are feeling. this is all too new yet and this Christmas will be a tough one.
We ALL CARE! We ALL UNDERSTAND!

God Bless you,
Joanne & Puppy Shadow

HappyChick

Dear TJ,

I'm so sorry to read about Dante. He was a good fighter and you did the best thing for him in the end.

Let yourself grieve. I lost Vincenzo just over a month ago and still cry over him every day. Remember to look for signs from Dante letting you know that he is still near. I was happy that Vin sent me signs that he was o.k. and that he was still near. Then he sent us Celena. Miracles happen all the time, it's just that sometimes they are not the miracles that we want, but they are the miracles that we NEED.

I wish peace for you and yours' during this difficult time.

Angie

Zullymom

TJ, I was so sad to read that your Dante is gone. I too, agree with Raymond that you need to take time to grieve, no matter how long it takes, it is different for everyone. And our dogs are very precious members of our family. We lost Zully over 2 weeks ago, and yesterday was my worst day so far, I couldn't stop crying for him. I have talked to people who tell me that they can't get another dog, it is too hard to lose them, and it is; it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. But having them in our life is so worth it. My thoughts and prayers are with you through this difficult time.