our hearts are breaking...

josie · 12-11-2009, 07:48 AM

Two days ago I called my husband home from work as Wisp was having a bad day. She seemed low and wouldn't eat her cheese that has the steroids in it. She was happier when her dad came home. Yesterday she seemed much better. We called the vet though and he really thinks it's time. She has lost control of her bladder and he said that's a sign that the lymphoma is in her organs. We devastatingly made an appointment for tomorrow afternoon. I have been crying rivers. Today she is not good. For the first time during this horrible disease she does not want to eat. Really hard to take. We are having a get together tonight with all of her favorite people.
This is the hardest thing I have ever faced in my life. But if not tomorrow- when? A few days later? Or see her get really bad? Our vet believes in not waiting until it is so bad. I know TJ we are in the same place. Good days and bad days, and then THE DAY. Right now she really isn't happy and we can't stand to see it.
Thank god for this site and all of you. And thank god I had Wisp in my life for 11 years...

Benpaws · 12-11-2009, 08:04 AM

My Dear Friend,
I am so sorry that Wisp has take a turn for the worse. When Benny was near the end, a friend who was helping us on our daily journey said:" Benny will let you know when it is time to turn the corner" and he did.
When we arrived at the vet's office I asked if there was anything more that could be done and he said: "No, better one week early than one day late." My tears were like a flowing stream and my heart was broken into a million pieces. We were not ready to say goodbye, but the time was right for Benny.He died peacefully with my husband and I burying our faces into his softness and wetting his fur with our tears.
I do understand how you are feeling and the pain is almost unbearable.
My tears are flowing now as I think of you and others having to face this terrible decision to say "Goodbye." Maybe you will get one more day. However, if Wisp had to make the selfless decision for you....he WOULD!She KNOWS how much you love her.
If tomorrow is the day, please know you are in my prayers and I will be deeply saddened to see the loss of another precious best friend.
"if Love could save them, none of them would go from our lives." Hugs to Wisp!

Blessings,
Joanne & Puppy Shadow

IF IT SHOULD BE

If it should be that I grow weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then you must do what must be done,
For this last battle cannot be won.

You will be sad, I understand.
Don't let your grief then stay your hand.
For this day, more than all the rest,
Your love for me must stand the test.

We've had so many happy years.
What is to come can hold no fears.
You'd not want me to suffer so;
The time has come -- please let me go.

Take me where my need they'll tend,
And please stay with me till the end.
Hold me firm and speak to me,
Until my eyes no longer see.

I know in time that you will see
The kindness that you did for me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I've been saved.

Please do not grieve -- it must be you
Who had this painful thing to do.
We've been so close, we two, these years;
Don't let your heart hold back its tears.

--- Anonymous ---

TJandDante · 12-11-2009, 07:32 PM

Josie-
I know how your heart must be breaking. We had the same thing with my sons and daughter in law and grandbaby Sunday night to say goodbye. My face and eyes hurt so bad from crying.
PLEASE know you are doing the right thing. You are keeping your beloved pet from suffering more. Your love for your pet tells you when it is the right time to say goodbye. You know it in your gut. And remember that your beloved Wisp trusts you to make the right decision. And you have had her for 11 years! Rejoice in that.
I wish there was some way to take some of your pain away,but I know there isn't. Just knowing that people here feel and know your pain helps, but truth be told, it's so painful.
We love you and Wisp. Godspeed to Wisp as she crosses over. I will be thinking of you tomorrow afternoon.

josie · 12-12-2009, 01:06 AM

i can't sleep, can't eat a bite. oh my god, thank you two so much...
the pain is unbearable right now. we had a get together and she was so happy to see all her favorite people tonight. Everyone was so sad, just heart-breaking.
Today, earlier, I actually wanted to take her, but my husband couldn't. He hoped she would turn around for the peeps, and she did. And went for a late night walk to the store where they love her and they fed her two packages of treats.
This is the hardest thing I have ever faced, so much pain.
Yet we have another border collie who will need us and a 19 month old laughing baby girl, both who may or may not understand this. Just so difficult.
The way she was this morning was hard to take. We gave her steroids and it took a few hours and she came around. But she is dying. We know that. I really saw it today...
I never knew so many tears could come, so often, and so many...

thanks again so much...

Benpaws · 12-12-2009, 03:57 AM

Dear Josie,
The way you are feeling is perfectly normal. After all you have had Wisp in your life for 11 wonderful years filled with unconditional love. You will go through a myriad of emotions as you grieve. The important thing is to talk about how you are feeling and talk about Wisp, the good times, the funny times, the sad times.
When we lost our first Schnauzer Wolfgang in 1997 at age 10, we had his brother Willie to come home to. It was a real comfort to us and Willie missed Wolfgang so much. He looked everywhere for him and didn't understand why Wolfie didn't return home. When I cried, Willie licked away tears.
Hug your darling baby girl and hug your other puppy, neither will understand why Wisp is not there anymore.
I do feel your pain Josie and it brings back the memories of Benny's last moments and my heart aches for you because the pain is almost unbearable.
However, when you make the final decision it is the most selfless thing you can do for Wisp and you will do it because you love her so deeply.
I light a candle every night in memory of Benny and of the dogs here who have crossed over that rainbow bridge and it helps bring comfort.
My 38 year old son can finally look at pictures of Benny, but it has taken this long, over eight months, to be able to do so.
Know that we all understand what you are facing and the sorrow in your heart and this is a "safe place to come and talk about Wisp and your feelings."
God Bless you today and always. I will be back later, but my Aunt has passed away and I have a funeral to attend. Unfortunately, Death is part of life."

Blessings,
Joanne & Puppy Shadow

A POEM FOR THE GRIEVING...

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there, I did not die...

The above is a poem often read at funerals. Everyday I look up and try and find a cloud formation which reminds me of Benny and I have seen a few.He is the brightest star on a clear night. He is the sunshine on a beautiful day. He is the drops of rain and the flakes of snow. He is "my heart."

TJandDante · 12-12-2009, 09:24 AM

I have been thinking about you all night and knowing you would be up,unable to sleep. It makes it so hard that we love them so much. This is our first dog so I don't know about animals, but usually people with terminal cancer have a "rally day" where they appear to feel good and be doing great, it is usually followed rapidly by death or a steep decline. Sounds like your wonderful Wisp rallied to enjoy her loved ones and friends-what a great way to remember her last 24 hours instead of remembering a suffering dog. That was her gift to you.
God Bless as you go through an extrememly hard day. We are here for you.

alyson · 12-12-2009, 01:20 PM

Josie Im so sorry that Wisp has taken a turn for the worst, i think even if we new the day, the hour we would still never be ready to let go of our loved ones, we will always think, what if!. There are no words of comfort that can really ease the pain and help make the decision any easier it breaks my heart, as i know the pain that you will both be going through, thank god for this site as we are all here for each other and share your pain, as its a pain that never really leaves you.

May god be by your side and guide you through this time.
alyson

Zullymom · 12-26-2009, 10:49 AM

Josie,I understand and feel your pain, because our beautiful and beloved Zully died the same day as wisp, on my birthday 12/12/09. I haven't been able to come on and read or write anything, because it was just too painful, and the tears poured down my face as I read all the beautiful messages from all the members who are going through, have gone through and will go through what we are now. Our dogs are so much of our lives, it is almost too much to let them go, but we have to, and though it is killing us inside, we do what must be done. Wisp will never be gone,and always will live in your heart. Just know our thoughts and prayers are with you through this most difficult of times.

12-11-2009, 07:48 AM	#1 (permalink)
josie Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 29	our hearts are breaking... Two days ago I called my husband home from work as Wisp was having a bad day. She seemed low and wouldn't eat her cheese that has the steroids in it. She was happier when her dad came home. Yesterday she seemed much better. We called the vet though and he really thinks it's time. She has lost control of her bladder and he said that's a sign that the lymphoma is in her organs. We devastatingly made an appointment for tomorrow afternoon. I have been crying rivers. Today she is not good. For the first time during this horrible disease she does not want to eat. Really hard to take. We are having a get together tonight with all of her favorite people. This is the hardest thing I have ever faced in my life. But if not tomorrow- when? A few days later? Or see her get really bad? Our vet believes in not waiting until it is so bad. I know TJ we are in the same place. Good days and bad days, and then THE DAY. Right now she really isn't happy and we can't stand to see it. Thank god for this site and all of you. And thank god I had Wisp in my life for 11 years...

12-11-2009, 08:04 AM	#2 (permalink)
Benpaws Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Oakville, ON., CANADA Posts: 895	Re: Wisp My Dear Friend, I am so sorry that Wisp has take a turn for the worse. When Benny was near the end, a friend who was helping us on our daily journey said:" Benny will let you know when it is time to turn the corner" and he did. When we arrived at the vet's office I asked if there was anything more that could be done and he said: "No, better one week early than one day late." My tears were like a flowing stream and my heart was broken into a million pieces. *We were not ready to say goodbye, but the time was right for Benny.He died peacefully with my husband and I burying our faces into his softness and wetting his fur with our tears. I do understand how you are feeling and the pain is almost unbearable. My tears are flowing now as I think of you and others having to face this terrible decision to say "Goodbye." Maybe you will get one more day. However, if Wisp had to make the selfless decision for you....he WOULD!She KNOWS how much you love her. If tomorrow is the day, please know you are in my prayers and I will be deeply saddened to see the loss of another precious best friend. "if Love could save them, none of them would go from our lives."* Hugs to Wisp! Blessings, Joanne & Puppy Shadow IF IT SHOULD BE If it should be that I grow weak And pain should keep me from my sleep, Then you must do what must be done, For this last battle cannot be won. You will be sad, I understand. Don't let your grief then stay your hand. For this day, more than all the rest, Your love for me must stand the test. We've had so many happy years. What is to come can hold no fears. You'd not want me to suffer so; The time has come -- please let me go. Take me where my need they'll tend, And please stay with me till the end. Hold me firm and speak to me, Until my eyes no longer see. I know in time that you will see The kindness that you did for me. Although my tail its last has waved, From pain and suffering I've been saved. Please do not grieve -- it must be you Who had this painful thing to do. We've been so close, we two, these years; Don't let your heart hold back its tears. --- Anonymous --- Last edited by Benpaws; 12-11-2009 at 10:58 AM.

12-12-2009, 03:57 AM	#5 (permalink)
Benpaws Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Oakville, ON., CANADA Posts: 895	Wisp Dear Josie, The way you are feeling is perfectly normal. After all you have had Wisp in your life for 11 wonderful years filled with unconditional love. You will go through a myriad of emotions as you grieve. The important thing is to talk about how you are feeling and talk about Wisp, the good times, the funny times, the sad times. When we lost our first Schnauzer Wolfgang in 1997 at age 10, we had his brother Willie to come home to. It was a real comfort to us and Willie missed Wolfgang so much. He looked everywhere for him and didn't understand why Wolfie didn't return home. When I cried, Willie licked away tears. Hug your darling baby girl and hug your other puppy, neither will understand why Wisp is not there anymore. I do feel your pain Josie and it brings back the memories of Benny's last moments and my heart aches for you because the pain is almost unbearable. However, when you make the final decision it is the most selfless thing you can do for Wisp and you will do it because you love her so deeply. I light a candle every night in memory of Benny and of the dogs here who have crossed over that rainbow bridge and it helps bring comfort. My 38 year old son can finally look at pictures of Benny, but it has taken this long, over eight months, to be able to do so. Know that we all understand what you are facing and the sorrow in your heart and this is a "safe place to come and talk about Wisp and your feelings." God Bless you today and always. I will be back later, but my Aunt has passed away and I have a funeral to attend. Unfortunately, Death is part of life." Blessings, Joanne & Puppy Shadow A POEM FOR THE GRIEVING... Do not stand at my grave and weep. I am not there, I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow, I am the diamond glints on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain, I am the gentle autumn's rain. When you awaken in the morning's hush, I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there, I did not die... The above is a poem often read at funerals. Everyday I look up and try and find a cloud formation which reminds me of Benny and I have seen a few.He is the brightest star on a clear night. He is the sunshine on a beautiful day. He is the drops of rain and the flakes of snow. He is "my heart." Last edited by Benpaws; 12-12-2009 at 04:00 AM.

12-26-2009, 10:49 AM	#8 (permalink)
Zullymom Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 7	wisp Josie,I understand and feel your pain, because our beautiful and beloved Zully died the same day as wisp, on my birthday 12/12/09. I haven't been able to come on and read or write anything, because it was just too painful, and the tears poured down my face as I read all the beautiful messages from all the members who are going through, have gone through and will go through what we are now. Our dogs are so much of our lives, it is almost too much to let them go, but we have to, and though it is killing us inside, we do what must be done. Wisp will never be gone,and always will live in your heart. Just know our thoughts and prayers are with you through this most difficult of times.

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12-11-2009, 07:32 PM	#3 (permalink)
TJandDante Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 257	Josie- I know how your heart must be breaking. We had the same thing with my sons and daughter in law and grandbaby Sunday night to say goodbye. My face and eyes hurt so bad from crying. PLEASE know you are doing the right thing. You are keeping your beloved pet from suffering more. Your love for your pet tells you when it is the right time to say goodbye. You know it in your gut. And remember that your beloved Wisp trusts you to make the right decision. And you have had her for 11 years! Rejoice in that. I wish there was some way to take some of your pain away,but I know there isn't. Just knowing that people here feel and know your pain helps, but truth be told, it's so painful. We love you and Wisp. Godspeed to Wisp as she crosses over. I will be thinking of you tomorrow afternoon.

12-12-2009, 01:06 AM	#4 (permalink)
josie Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 29	i can't sleep, can't eat a bite. oh my god, thank you two so much... the pain is unbearable right now. we had a get together and she was so happy to see all her favorite people tonight. Everyone was so sad, just heart-breaking. Today, earlier, I actually wanted to take her, but my husband couldn't. He hoped she would turn around for the peeps, and she did. And went for a late night walk to the store where they love her and they fed her two packages of treats. This is the hardest thing I have ever faced, so much pain. Yet we have another border collie who will need us and a 19 month old laughing baby girl, both who may or may not understand this. Just so difficult. The way she was this morning was hard to take. We gave her steroids and it took a few hours and she came around. But she is dying. We know that. I really saw it today... I never knew so many tears could come, so often, and so many... thanks again so much...

12-12-2009, 09:24 AM	#6 (permalink)
TJandDante Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 257	I have been thinking about you all night and knowing you would be up,unable to sleep. It makes it so hard that we love them so much. This is our first dog so I don't know about animals, but usually people with terminal cancer have a "rally day" where they appear to feel good and be doing great, it is usually followed rapidly by death or a steep decline. Sounds like your wonderful Wisp rallied to enjoy her loved ones and friends-what a great way to remember her last 24 hours instead of remembering a suffering dog. That was her gift to you. God Bless as you go through an extrememly hard day. We are here for you.

12-12-2009, 01:20 PM	#7 (permalink)
alyson Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: manchester, england Posts: 104	Josie Im so sorry that Wisp has taken a turn for the worst, i think even if we new the day, the hour we would still never be ready to let go of our loved ones, we will always think, what if!. There are no words of comfort that can really ease the pain and help make the decision any easier it breaks my heart, as i know the pain that you will both be going through, thank god for this site as we are all here for each other and share your pain, as its a pain that never really leaves you. May god be by your side and guide you through this time. alyson