Tara when will I know the time is right

taratess · 01-05-2010, 08:22 AM

My dog Tara was diagnosed with cancer nearly two years ago she had an operation but after 12months the cancer came back. When I returned to the vet she was not given long to live my vet said another operation would only spread the tumour and her prognosis was 3months. I was also told that the site would ulcerate and get very painful and I would not be able to heal her wound. It is now 9 1/2 months since that diagnosis the tumour has enlarged all along the old scar site. She has ulcerated many times as the tumour gets larger and larger but with constant application of aloe vera sap 4 times a day she has healed but now I am wondering when I need to take that final step. The tumour is taking longer to heal and looks angry and sore at times. Thankfully she does not appear in pain or unhappy she plays with her sister still enjoys her walks and food. What signs do I look for that she is in pain because if she is in pain she is hiding the fact very well. I do not want her to suffer but neither do I want to end her life before it is neccesary as she still seems to have a good quality of life at present. When will I know the time is right are there any signs I should look for. I love her so much and the very thought of loosing her brings tears to my eyes but I do not want her to suffer.

I hope someone can help with advice
Taratess

Benpaws · 01-05-2010, 09:22 AM

My Dear Friend,
You have asked the most difficult question and unfortunately I cannot give you an answer.

Benny had Mast Cell Tumour Cancer and was operated on in November 2007. He was in remission for 8 months and then the cancer returned in the same area. For 9 months we gave him the best nutrition we could, numerous helpful supplements etc. and he enjoyed long walks, dips in the lake, hiking, chasing squirrels and loved his food.

The last few days before we decided to see the vet and make a decision, the one tumour got very enlarged and would open and bleed badly and Benny would just sit and look at us with his ears back and give a quiet little sigh. For us, these were "signs" that he was in discomfort. Up until then he had a good quality of life. However, he stopped climbing the stairs to bed, could no longer jump on on the couch or lie comfortably in his bed by the fire. He would look at us with big, sad eyes and his ears always BACK!

My husband and I discussed whether the "time had come for him to turn the corner" and so we made an appointment with our vet. His consensus was that "better a week early than a day late" because the tumour was growing and would eventually BURST and Benny would be in dire distress, possibly with seizures and bleed to death.

So, we made the "decision" and our tears flowed like a river. We had hopes to return home that day with Benny but it was not to be.

That is our story. You know your dog and you have to look for any small signs telling you that "her time is up."

This decision was not easy for us, but because of the love we had for Benny, we knew in our hearts we had to let him go.

For a long time I looked back on that beautiful, sunny Spring day and wondered if I should have kept him home for another week, after all a week with Benny was AWESOME and I would have been delighted to have him with me, but it was no doubt unfair to him. I did not want Benny to ever suffer because of what I wanted. It is the most selfless decision we as dog lovers and owners will ever have to make.

I miss him every day. I no longer feel guilty. I know we made the right decision at the right time, but the loss was a "forever ache in our hearts."

God Bless you in the days ahead and hugs to Tara and to Tess.

My prayers are with you my friend.

Blessings,
Joanne

These are two pictures taken on Benny's last day. My tears are flowing as I look again at his terrible tumours which invaded the most beautiful little body. Cancer is such a dreadful disease and our dogs do not deserve to die from it when their lives are already far too short!

[ATTACH]2009_0402Image0082.jpg[/ATTACH]

Raymond · 01-05-2010, 09:26 AM

Your darling Tara will let you know. Believe in that. Dogs hide pain very well. When she is ready to go you will know. When my fur baby was getting worse I set out in my mind a few 'objective' observations to indicate when. Those were not eating, restlessness (getting up, laying down repeatedly for example), extreme lethargy, whining for no apparent reason, withdrawing- like trying to hide somewhere; these can be signs. My Larry boy loved to eat so the day he stopped eating, I knew the time was very near. It's all a horrible experience. Try hard not to cry around your baby. They only know what we feel. Go outside or in another room if you have to cry. I did many times. Tara will be watching how YOU deal with this and react accordingly. Treasure these last moments with her. You have been more blessed than many to have had her this long.

If you wonder, ask Tara if it's time. Let her know it is OK for her to go when SHE is ready- not when you are ready. She needs to know it is OK to leave you.

I'm crying to hard now to keep typing.

God Bless you and comfort you and Tara.

--Raymond

TJandDante · 01-06-2010, 09:31 AM

The day I had to make the hard decision I was totally not expecting it. Dante had lymphoma and although he had some really large,huge nodes around both sides of his neck and behind his legs, he had been eating like a horse, going on walks and in no distress really. That morning instead of busting in my bedroom door he came in but went right down on the floor and did not seem to want to get up. He finally did but it seemed like getting up and down well, he was being very careful and slow and did not seem to want to get up. The kicker was his breathing was very fast-60 to 80 times a minute.Not labored,quietly through his nose,but very fast. That is either a sign of pain or not getting enough oxygen. And he did not even atempt to go to his bowl to eat. He had had a normal day the day before, eating both meals and on a walk, so we were not expecting this. But I knew it washis way of telling us that he had faked it as long as he could,probably to please us, and that he was tired and could not continue. The vet told us he would not be able to sustain that fast of breathing for very long and we decided to do the right thing by him and not make him work that hard any longer.

Sometimes its not like you think it will be, theres no slow decline, just one day its different and thats your sign. Subtle, but I think you will know.

God Bless
TJ

mybestfriend · 01-06-2010, 10:47 AM

Dear Taratess, Like everyone said, Tara will give you signs that it is getting closer. Dasha, near her end would not put her weight on her leg (as long as she thought she no one was looking). Like Raymond said, they hide their pain very well. You do need to tell her thats its ok to go. With Dasha I would sit with her at night and just talk to her and I did tell her how much she means to us and it was ok for her to go. It is one of the hardest things you will ever do. Dasha towards the end would whine in her sleep, and then had one seizure which was our sign it would get alot worse. After that we made our final act of love to her, setting her free of pain. I did feel guilty afterwards, but looking back now at it, as much pain and hurt I felt during this, This was the ultimate gift of love I could give her after all the love she gave us. My heart breaks for you and even after 8+ months tears still flow when I read about another fur baby. God bless you,Jim

jeffers · 01-06-2010, 11:03 AM

i am so sorry to hear about tara but if she seems happy and still plays then i would let her enjoy herself. my girl seemed happy right up till the day before she died and like me you will know your dog and understand what they are trying to say. it is the hardest decision that anyone can make and there is no right way of doing it............ having done all you possibly can for your girl...... she and your heart will tell you by the way that your beautiful girl reacts to her illness.

josie · 01-06-2010, 04:40 PM

Yes I am crying my eyes out reading all of the posts here.. it is the MOST difficult thing to know when. But as you can see here, that most often they DO let you know.
Our girl was on steroids for the first time in four months at the end [just four weeks ago this sat] and we really noticed the last few days... She was depressed and for the first time would not eat. I waited for that dreadful day because i knew that if my darling would not even eat a piece of cheese that things must be pretty bad...
The worst thing of all is that the day we did take her [the next day] she was having a pretty good day and did eat. We were tempted to not go.
With the heaviest of hearts, we took her in. And it turns out she was much sicker than she was letting on. We found a bit of peace in that only because we knew it was the right thing to do. And we could not stand to see our friend suffer. "What a trooper..." our vet said.
It is the hardest thing we have ever faced and it is still so very hard.
Right now I would say if she seems happy I would just keep a very close eye. Our dog had lymphoma so the nodes in her neck got very large which would eventually choke her- and we did not want that to happen. The day we took her they were the largest and hardest than they had ever been.
I wish you all the best with this difficult time- Josie

taratess · 01-12-2010, 02:57 AM

Thank you all so much for your helpful comments and support I am ever watchful of how Tara is as I do not want her to suffer. I appreciate how hard it is for you all as you have travelled this dreadful journey. What is the hardest thing is knowing we have the responsibily of life and death in our hands and not wanting to make that final decision but knowing one day we have to. I pray to God for strength and courage for the future as life will never be the same without her. I am greatful for the time I have had with her as she has taught me the value of true love and loyalty. I will keep you posted of how she is .
God bless you all
Taratess

Benpaws · 01-12-2010, 08:21 AM

My Dear Friend,
I have been where you are now and I know how difficult it is knowing that one day you will have to make that decision for Tara, a decision made from deep within your heart and the most selfless decision you will ever make.
For now, just love Tara with all that is within you. Don't let her see your tears or your fears. She doesn't know what lies ahead like you know. She is still with you and needs your care, your love and needs you to understand how she might be feeling.
It is all so tough and no, you will never be the same without her, but you will be a much better human being for having shared your life with her. I have posted the following a few times and thought you might like to read it if you have not already seen it.
My prayers go out to you that you find the strength to deal with whatever choices lie ahead and know how much you are loved by that little fur girl and she in turn knows how much you love her.
She will always be a part of your heart and your memories and for now, she is with you, so hug her and love her and don't think too far ahead but be prepared to do what is right when the time comes. Talk with your vet and get his/her opinion as well.
Continue to come here and share with us who do understand and so many have just recently lost their beloved best friends and the loss is very fresh and their tears join yours.

God Bless you and Tara and Tess!

Blessings,
Joanne & Shadow

Owning a Pet

When you bring a pet into your life, you begin a journey -- a journey that will bring you more love and devotion than you have ever known, yet also test your strength and courage. If you allow, the journey will teach you many things, about life, about yourself, and most of all, about love. You will come away changed forever, for one soul cannot touch another without leaving its mark.

Along the way, you will learn much about savoring life's simple pleasures -- jumping in leaves, snoozing in the sun, the joys of puddles, and even the satisfaction of a good scratch behind the ears. If you spend much time outside, you will be taught how to truly experience every element, for no rock, leaf, or log will go unexamined, no rustling bush will be overlooked, and even the very air will be inhaled, pondered, and noted as being full of valuable information.

Your pace may be slower -- except when heading home to the food dish -- but you will become a better naturalist, having been taught by an expert in the field.

Too many times we hike on automatic pilot, our goal being to complete the trail rather than enjoy the journey. We miss the details -- the colorful mushrooms on the rotting log, the honeycomb in the old maple snag, the hawk feather caught on a twig. Once we walk as a dog does, we discover a whole new world.

We stop; we browse the landscape, we kick over leaves, peek in tree holes, look up, down, all around. And we learn what any dog knows: that nature has created a marvelously complex world that is full of surprises, that each cycle of the seasons bring ever changing wonders, each day an essence all its own. Even from indoors you will find yourself more attuned to the world around you. You will find yourself watching summer insects collecting on a screen. (How bizarre they are! How many kinds there are!), or noting the flick and flash of fireflies through the dark. You will stop to observe the swirling dance of windblown leaves, or sniff the air after a rain. It does not matter that there is no objective in this; the point is in the doing, in not letting life's most important details slip by. You will find yourself doing silly things that your pet-less friends might not understand: spending thirty minutes in the grocery aisle looking for the cat food brand your feline must have, buying dog birthday treats, or driving around the block an extra time because your pet enjoys the ride.

You will roll in the snow, wrestle with chewie toys, bounce little rubber balls till your eyes cross, and even run around the house trailing your bathrobe tie -- with a cat in hot pursuit -- all in the name of love. Your house will become muddier and hairier. You will wear less dark clothing and buy more lint rollers. You may find dog biscuits in your pocket or purse, and feel the need to explain that an old plastic shopping bag adorns your living room rug because your cat loves the crinkly sound. You will learn the true measure of love -- the steadfast, undying kind that says, "It doesn't matter where we are or what we do, or how life treats us as long as we are together."

Respect this always. It is the most precious gift any living soul can give another. You will not find it often among the human race. And you will learn humility. The look in my dog's eyes often made me feel ashamed. Such joy and love at my presence. She saw not some flawed human who could be cross and stubborn, moody or rude, but only her wonderful companion. Or maybe she saw those things and dismissed them as mere human foibles, not worth considering, and so chose to love me anyway.

If you pay attention and learn well, when the journey is done, you will be not just a better person, but the person your pet always knew you to be -- the one they were proud to call beloved friend. I must caution you that this journey is not without pain. Like all paths of true love, the pain is part of loving. For as surely as the sun sets, one day your dear animal companion will follow a trail you cannot yet go down. And you will have to find the strength and love to let them go. A pet's time on earth is far too short -- especially for those that love them. We borrow them, really, just for a while, and during these brief years they are generous enough to give us all their love, every inch of their spirit and heart, until one day there is nothing left.

The cat that only yesterday was a kitten is all too soon old and frail and sleeping in the sun. The young pup of boundless energy wakes up stiff and lame, the muzzle now gray. Deep down we somehow always knew that this journey would end. We knew that if we gave our hearts they would be broken. But give them we must for it is all they ask in return. When the time comes, and the road curves ahead to a place we cannot see, we give one final gift and let them run on ahead -- young and whole once more. "Godspeed, good friend," we say, until our journey comes full circle and our paths cross again.

TJandDante · 01-16-2010, 08:23 PM

I am wondering how Tara is doing, and how you are doing. Please let us know because I know everyone is thinking of you, many of us have been where you are.
TJ

01-05-2010, 08:22 AM	#1 (permalink)
taratess Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: I live in England Posts: 9	Tara when will I know the time is right My dog Tara was diagnosed with cancer nearly two years ago she had an operation but after 12months the cancer came back. When I returned to the vet she was not given long to live my vet said another operation would only spread the tumour and her prognosis was 3months. I was also told that the site would ulcerate and get very painful and I would not be able to heal her wound. It is now 9 1/2 months since that diagnosis the tumour has enlarged all along the old scar site. She has ulcerated many times as the tumour gets larger and larger but with constant application of aloe vera sap 4 times a day she has healed but now I am wondering when I need to take that final step. The tumour is taking longer to heal and looks angry and sore at times. Thankfully she does not appear in pain or unhappy she plays with her sister still enjoys her walks and food. What signs do I look for that she is in pain because if she is in pain she is hiding the fact very well. I do not want her to suffer but neither do I want to end her life before it is neccesary as she still seems to have a good quality of life at present. When will I know the time is right are there any signs I should look for. I love her so much and the very thought of loosing her brings tears to my eyes but I do not want her to suffer. I hope someone can help with advice Taratess

01-12-2010, 08:21 AM	#9 (permalink)
Benpaws Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Oakville, ON., CANADA Posts: 1,696	Tara My Dear Friend, I have been where you are now and I know how difficult it is knowing that one day you will have to make that decision for Tara, a decision made from deep within your heart and the most *selfless decision you will ever make.* For now, just love Tara with all that is within you. Don't let her see your tears or your fears. She doesn't know what lies ahead like you know. She is still with you and needs your care, your love and needs you to understand how she might be feeling. It is all so tough and no, you will never be the same without her, but you will be a much better human being for having shared your life with her. I have posted the following a few times and thought you might like to read it if you have not already seen it. My prayers go out to you that you find the strength to deal with whatever choices lie ahead and know how much you are loved by that little fur girl and she in turn knows how much you love her. She will always be a part of your heart and your memories and for now, she is with you, so hug her and love her and don't think too far ahead but be prepared to do what is right when the time comes. Talk with your vet and get his/her opinion as well. Continue to come here and share with us who do understand and so many have just recently lost their beloved best friends and the loss is very fresh and their tears join yours. God Bless you and Tara and Tess! Blessings, Joanne & Shadow Owning a Pet When you bring a pet into your life, you begin a journey -- a journey that will bring you more love and devotion than you have ever known, yet also test your strength and courage. If you allow, the journey will teach you many things, about life, about yourself, and most of all, about love. You will come away changed forever, for one soul cannot touch another without leaving its mark. Along the way, you will learn much about savoring life's simple pleasures -- jumping in leaves, snoozing in the sun, the joys of puddles, and even the satisfaction of a good scratch behind the ears. If you spend much time outside, you will be taught how to truly experience every element, for no rock, leaf, or log will go unexamined, no rustling bush will be overlooked, and even the very air will be inhaled, pondered, and noted as being full of valuable information. Your pace may be slower -- except when heading home to the food dish -- but you will become a better naturalist, having been taught by an expert in the field. Too many times we hike on automatic pilot, our goal being to complete the trail rather than enjoy the journey. We miss the details -- the colorful mushrooms on the rotting log, the honeycomb in the old maple snag, the hawk feather caught on a twig. Once we walk as a dog does, we discover a whole new world. We stop; we browse the landscape, we kick over leaves, peek in tree holes, look up, down, all around. And we learn what any dog knows: that nature has created a marvelously complex world that is full of surprises, that each cycle of the seasons bring ever changing wonders, each day an essence all its own. Even from indoors you will find yourself more attuned to the world around you. You will find yourself watching summer insects collecting on a screen. (How bizarre they are! How many kinds there are!), or noting the flick and flash of fireflies through the dark. You will stop to observe the swirling dance of windblown leaves, or sniff the air after a rain. It does not matter that there is no objective in this; the point is in the doing, in not letting life's most important details slip by. You will find yourself doing silly things that your pet-less friends might not understand: spending thirty minutes in the grocery aisle looking for the cat food brand your feline must have, buying dog birthday treats, or driving around the block an extra time because your pet enjoys the ride. You will roll in the snow, wrestle with chewie toys, bounce little rubber balls till your eyes cross, and even run around the house trailing your bathrobe tie -- with a cat in hot pursuit -- all in the name of love. Your house will become muddier and hairier. You will wear less dark clothing and buy more lint rollers. You may find dog biscuits in your pocket or purse, and feel the need to explain that an old plastic shopping bag adorns your living room rug because your cat loves the crinkly sound. You will learn the true measure of love -- the steadfast, undying kind that says, "It doesn't matter where we are or what we do, or how life treats us as long as we are together." Respect this always. It is the most precious gift any living soul can give another. You will not find it often among the human race. And you will learn humility. The look in my dog's eyes often made me feel ashamed. Such joy and love at my presence. She saw not some flawed human who could be cross and stubborn, moody or rude, but only her wonderful companion. Or maybe she saw those things and dismissed them as mere human foibles, not worth considering, and so chose to love me anyway. If you pay attention and learn well, when the journey is done, you will be not just a better person, but the person your pet always knew you to be -- the one they were proud to call beloved friend. I must caution you that this journey is not without pain. Like all paths of true love, the pain is part of loving. For as surely as the sun sets, one day your dear animal companion will follow a trail you cannot yet go down. And you will have to find the strength and love to let them go. A pet's time on earth is far too short -- especially for those that love them. We borrow them, really, just for a while, and during these brief years they are generous enough to give us all their love, every inch of their spirit and heart, until one day there is nothing left. The cat that only yesterday was a kitten is all too soon old and frail and sleeping in the sun. The young pup of boundless energy wakes up stiff and lame, the muzzle now gray. Deep down we somehow always knew that this journey would end. We knew that if we gave our hearts they would be broken. But give them we must for it is all they ask in return. When the time comes, and the road curves ahead to a place we cannot see, we give one final gift and let them run on ahead -- young and whole once more. "Godspeed, good friend," we say, until our journey comes full circle and our paths cross again. Last edited by Benpaws; 01-12-2010 at 08:23 AM.

01-16-2010, 08:23 PM	#10 (permalink)
TJandDante Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 355	Wondering about Tara I am wondering how Tara is doing, and how you are doing. Please let us know because I know everyone is thinking of you, many of us have been where you are. TJ

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01-05-2010, 09:26 AM	#3 (permalink)
Raymond Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Soap Lake, WA Posts: 264	Your darling Tara will let you know. Believe in that. Dogs hide pain very well. When she is ready to go you will know. When my fur baby was getting worse I set out in my mind a few 'objective' observations to indicate when. Those were not eating, restlessness (getting up, laying down repeatedly for example), extreme lethargy, whining for no apparent reason, withdrawing- like trying to hide somewhere; these can be signs. My Larry boy loved to eat so the day he stopped eating, I knew the time was very near. It's all a horrible experience. Try hard not to cry around your baby. They only know what we feel. Go outside or in another room if you have to cry. I did many times. Tara will be watching how YOU deal with this and react accordingly. Treasure these last moments with her. You have been more blessed than many to have had her this long. If you wonder, ask Tara if it's time. Let her know it is OK for her to go when SHE is ready- not when you are ready. She needs to know it is OK to leave you. I'm crying to hard now to keep typing. God Bless you and comfort you and Tara. --Raymond

01-06-2010, 09:31 AM	#4 (permalink)
TJandDante Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 355	The day I had to make the hard decision I was totally not expecting it. Dante had lymphoma and although he had some really large,huge nodes around both sides of his neck and behind his legs, he had been eating like a horse, going on walks and in no distress really. That morning instead of busting in my bedroom door he came in but went right down on the floor and did not seem to want to get up. He finally did but it seemed like getting up and down well, he was being very careful and slow and did not seem to want to get up. The kicker was his breathing was very fast-60 to 80 times a minute.Not labored,quietly through his nose,but very fast. That is either a sign of pain or not getting enough oxygen. And he did not even atempt to go to his bowl to eat. He had had a normal day the day before, eating both meals and on a walk, so we were not expecting this. But I knew it washis way of telling us that he had faked it as long as he could,probably to please us, and that he was tired and could not continue. The vet told us he would not be able to sustain that fast of breathing for very long and we decided to do the right thing by him and not make him work that hard any longer. Sometimes its not like you think it will be, theres no slow decline, just one day its different and thats your sign. Subtle, but I think you will know. God Bless TJ

01-06-2010, 11:03 AM	#6 (permalink)
jeffers Senior Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: uk Posts: 219	i am so sorry to hear about tara but if she seems happy and still plays then i would let her enjoy herself. my girl seemed happy right up till the day before she died and like me you will know your dog and understand what they are trying to say. it is the hardest decision that anyone can make and there is no right way of doing it............ having done all you possibly can for your girl...... she and your heart will tell you by the way that your beautiful girl reacts to her illness.

01-06-2010, 04:40 PM	#7 (permalink)
josie Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 29	Yes I am crying my eyes out reading all of the posts here.. it is the MOST difficult thing to know when. But as you can see here, that most often they DO let you know. Our girl was on steroids for the first time in four months at the end [just four weeks ago this sat] and we really noticed the last few days... She was depressed and for the first time would not eat. I waited for that dreadful day because i knew that if my darling would not even eat a piece of cheese that things must be pretty bad... The worst thing of all is that the day we did take her [the next day] she was having a pretty good day and did eat. We were tempted to not go. With the heaviest of hearts, we took her in. And it turns out she was much sicker than she was letting on. We found a bit of peace in that only because we knew it was the right thing to do. And we could not stand to see our friend suffer. "What a trooper..." our vet said. It is the hardest thing we have ever faced and it is still so very hard. Right now I would say if she seems happy I would just keep a very close eye. Our dog had lymphoma so the nodes in her neck got very large which would eventually choke her- and we did not want that to happen. The day we took her they were the largest and hardest than they had ever been. I wish you all the best with this difficult time- Josie

01-12-2010, 02:57 AM	#8 (permalink)
taratess Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: I live in England Posts: 9	Thank you all so much for your helpful comments and support I am ever watchful of how Tara is as I do not want her to suffer. I appreciate how hard it is for you all as you have travelled this dreadful journey. What is the hardest thing is knowing we have the responsibily of life and death in our hands and not wanting to make that final decision but knowing one day we have to. I pray to God for strength and courage for the future as life will never be the same without her. I am greatful for the time I have had with her as she has taught me the value of true love and loyalty. I will keep you posted of how she is . God bless you all Taratess