Robyn

Hi my name is Robyn and I have a golden retriever that has oral cancer. He was diagnosed in September 2008 and the vet gave him only 6 months to live. Rider will be 8 years old March.07.2009. Rider had two tumors removed from his upper jaw bone in September and only a month later they were back again. His mouth is now full of tumors. He still has a really big appitite soo I am told by the vet as long as he is eating it is a good sign. It has been almost 6 months now and the last few weeks I have really seen the cancer starting to take it's toll on him. He now has a lump the size of a plum on his back hock. The vet said it is another tumor. Words cannot describe how I am feeling, I am devestated. I have tried to stay positive these last few months and have been praying for a miracle but that maricle still hasn't happened and it won't. In a few weeks, after his birthday, I am going to have to let go of my bestfriend. I still don't know how I am going to do it, let him go that is, he is still so young. It breaks my heart to see him because I know he will not be with me anymore soon, my heart is ripping out. He is my baby, he adores me and I worship the ground he walks on. I am gld I found this site, so I am able to hear everyone else's stories and how they are coping with their dogs cancer. I just wish I came across this site sooner, then maybe Rider coud have had a chance

Benpaws

My Dear Robyn,
I check in here every day and I am so sad to read your story about your Golden Retriever Rider and his oral cancer. Please do not give up yet. You have found this wonderful site and that is a first step to perhaps being able to prolong Rider's life in a comfortable way.
We all know exactly how you are feeling and the absolute sorrow this devastating disease causes us all. Every single day I prepare myself for the day when I no longer have my Benny with me and he is only 6. It is unbelievable how many precious dogs get this disease in various forms.
I have a friend whom I met while searching online for some help many months ago and she has been a "Godsend" to us with her help for Benny. She lost her Golden Retriever Blues to lymphoma when Blues had just turned 6. I think his birthday was March 6th close to your Rider's. Anyway after Blues' death in 2001 Suzi made it her goal to set up a website and raise funds in many ways which would go directly to oncology and fighting Canine Cancer. You might get some help from Suzi at The Smiling Blue Skies Cancer Fund - smilingblueskies.com. She is an expert on Goldens and they are her "heart." It is worth a try. Also Ted has much to offer in his book.
It is a great thing that Rider is still enjoying his food. We have Benny on the Canine Life cancer formula diet and you might want to check out this website for Rider: http://cancer.landofpuregold.com/nutrition-diet.htm

My prayers go out to you at this time and please try and have hope. Everyone here is amazing and you will definitely find you are among loving and caring friends. My heart goes out to you and I feel your pain deeply.

Hugs, Joanne (Benpaws) & Benny

Robyn

Hi Joanne and Benny,
Thank you so much for your kind words. I will check out the website smilingblueskies.com. I am glad I have someone to talk too that is also going through what Rider and I are. I haven't given up hope completely, but each day I see Rider's sweet face I know it is one day shorter to saying good-bye. I don't know what I am going to do when that day comes, and that day is soon going to come. He is my boy and I love him so much. I am just really heart broken right now and I know in the weeks to follow my heart is going to break even more. I still don't know what I am going to do when I have to say good-bye. My house will never be the same. I will never be the same. I don't understand why this happened to him, I ask that question everyday and I will never have a answer. He is such a sweet, loving dog. He is my bestfriend and my guardian.

Raymond

Hello Robyn,

From everyone on this forum, our hearts go out to you. There is little to ease the emotional pain except to know that others have gone through exactly what you are dealing with right now...and survived. I lost my dear companion of 11 years in December- the whole ordeal is chronicled here in another thread. It took me 2 months just to be able to come back here- it was too too painful. I still have times and days when I can't stop crying but those times are fewer than before and I'm certain will be fewer as time roles on. I look forward to the day when the pain goes away when I think of my dear Larry and I just remember the good times.

We get so close to our furry friends, in some ways closer than to other humans. I think it has to do with the unconditional love.

Keep in mind as you go throught this, Rider doesn't know as we do, that he is dying. He only knows what he sees in you. And you know how sensitive he is to what you are feeling. I had to go to another room or go outside sometimes when I was around Larry and started to cry. I didn't want him to see that I was so sad...

...I have more to say but am too broken up to write anymore.

God Bless,

--Raymond

Robyn

Hi Raymond,
Thank you for being so sweet and caring. I am really finding it hard today, I cannot stop my tears from running down my face. Rider had a hard weekend, the cancer is really taking away everything he has. My mom and Dad made the decision this weekend that we are going to have to say good-bye to our sweet boy this weekend. Rider will be 8 years old this Saturday, March.07.2008. I knew this day was going to come but I prayed and prayed that maybe God wouldn't take him from me. It hurts sooooo much, it hurts more now that I know I only have a few days left with my bestfriend and after this weekend I will never see his sweet face again. I cannot describe the way I am feeing right now, so many mixed emotions. My heart feels like it is being ripped out of my chest. I haven't been able to sleep the last two days, I am so worried and so so sad. I am really glad I have this site to go too. It is people like you that will help me get through this horrible nightmare. Thank you. I should go for now, I am at work. I still have 7 1/2 hours left of this shift and I have a really bad migrane.
Take Care,
Robyn

Raymond

Our thoughts and prayers are with you Robyn and Rider. One piece of advice given to me by many- TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Sleep is critical. Do or take what you have to to sleep. Without it your body and mind are weakened and everything negative is compounded and overwhelming. Next eat good foods even if you aren't eating much. You need to be strong for Rider and for yourself.

Rider KNOWS how much you love him, as much as you know you love him. He's going to a much better place. Have you read the Rainbow Bridge. To this day that poem offers me comfort in my dark hours.

Also know that Rider will let you know when it's time. As I watched Larry's condition deterioate and disease symptoms take over his body, on the last day I knew he was ready to go. He had given up the fight. You must plan the details in your mind of how you will go thru with what is necessary. Somehow that helped me, knowing I had a plan. That included digging his grave ahead of time, putting out the things I wanted to bury with him, OMG I know how hard this must sound. I share this thru streaming tears & with sincere hope that it helps you bear this terrible time.

Blessings of comfort be upon you.

Benpaws

My Dear Robyn,
My tears are streaming down my face as I read your sad words and your very selfless and loving decision to let Rider go "with dignity" even though your heart is breaking.
I have no words which will help right now. The pain of these last days is unbearable and your heart does indeed feel as if it is "being ripped" away from you.
The love that a dog brings into one's life cannot be measured. It is unconditional and so little is expected in return. You love Rider with ALL that is within you and he will forever be in your heart and in your memories.
Raymond is correct when he says you must TAKE CARE OF YOU....rest, good food, fresh air. Tears will come and for a long time because you shared 8 outstanding years with Rider. He doesn't want to leave you, but he doesn't know anything except that you love him and are there for him in every way and he is in pain.
God Bless you in all the moments ahead when your heart will ache so badly you will feel numb and wonder why this happened to such a forever friend. We live within a very fragile circle when we take a dog into our lives. We know they won't live as long as we do and someday they will have to leave us. Please don't feel any guilt about your choice. Because of your great love you are letting Rider leave his pain behind and go where he will once again be young and free from pain.
I cannot stop crying because I know that Benny will soon be joining Rider and all the rest of these wonderful fur companions who have gone on ahead,
My prayers are with you & Rider and your family.

Hugs from Joanne & Benny

FROM FRIEND TO FRIEND

You're giving me a special gift,
So sorrowfully endowed,
And through these last few cherished days,
Your courage makes me proud.

But really, love is knowing
When your best friend is in pain,
And understanding earthly acts
Will only be in vain.

So looking deep into your eyes,
Beyond, into your soul,
I see in you the magic, that will
Once more make me whole.

The strength that you possess,
Is why I look to you today,
To do this thing that must be done,
For it's the only way.

That strength is why I've followed you,
And chose you as my friend,
And why I've loved you all these years...
My partner 'til the end.

Please, understand just what this gift,
You're giving, means to me,
It gives me back the strength I've lost,
And all my dignity.

You take a stand on my behalf,
For that is what friends do.
And know that what you do is right,
For I believe it too.

So one last time, I breathe your scent,
And through your hand I feel,
The courage that's within you,
To now grant me this appeal.

Cut the leash that holds me here,
Dear friend, and let me run,
Once more a strong and steady dog,
My pain and struggle done.

And don't despair my passing,
For I won't be far away,
Forever here, within your heart,
And memory I'll stay.

I'll be there watching over you,
Your ever faithful friend,
And in your memories I'll run,
...a young dog once again.

Raymond

What a beautiful poem. So sad but so true, it hurts so much to have to let'em go.

Toni DiGiallonardo

Dear Robyn
My heart is breaking for you. Please take care of yourself. You have loved Rider and have given him a wonderful life. The poem Joanne posted said so much, tears were running down my face. It is true you are giving Rider the
greatest gift a friend can give. My Rusty has tumors in his mouth too. Try to be strong around Rider try hard not to let him see and hear you cry. Our little babies know when we are upset and it upsets them. God bless you and your family.
Toni

maximus

Robyn
My heart goes out to you. Knowing that you are now facing what all of us on this board dread, is heartbreaking.
I wish there was something I could tell you to make it not hurt so bad, but there really isn't, I suppose.
I agree with Toni - try to not show too much sadness around him - let his time with you be filled with love and peace and calm, not worry or confusion about why you are so sad. Lots of cuddles and walks and treats from you - that's what he wants.
Know that you and your family have given Rider a wonderful life and are doing the best thing now for him also - to not let him feel the pain that would otherwise come. Like Joanne's poem said - you are a true friend to him.
Thinking of you
Trish