shazamom

Thank you all for your kind words yesterday but unfortunatley Eddie breathing became harder for him last night and as i petted his soft coat i could feel the hot spots where the cancer was and he looked tired - so tired. I decided to have a sleep over with him and we pulled out the old matress and camped out in the living room - just me and him, just like it was the first night i ever got him 5 years ago. We cuddled and hugged all night and i spoke to him about all the old times and great times we had shared and how much i thanked him for being there for me always. This morning when we woke i was glad to see that he was still here but i knew that he needed to go today, it was really time for him to go. My husband made all the arrangements but couldnt be there as he was so upset. I was devastated but determind not to let Eddie see. I fed him lots of chocolate (which he was never allowed before) and he loved!! we then went in and the vet gave him a shot to calm him down as he was very excited. I sat with him for the 10 mins and talked and laughed with him - right to the very end he had that big goofy smile. The vet then gave him the jag and as i held him tight and told him that i loved him and that everything was going to be ok he slipped away. I feel empty and heartbroken......... will this hurt every go away??? I feel like this is a bad dream and can not believe this is happening, only 3 days ago we were running around and jumping and playing - Why???? This is so unfair, he was a friend not just a dog...

RIP my friend - always by my side and forever in my heart!!! Big Ed - sept 9th 04 - July 24th 2010.

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Benpaws

My Dear Friend,
The tears are blurring my eyes as I try to respond to your heartfelt post re: Eddie. What a handsome boy and I fully understand your heartache and grief at losing this forever companion from your life. " No it is not fair, not at all."
How lovely that you "camped out together" on his last night. He knew how much you loved him and always will and you made the most selfless and kind decision when you realized there was little hope for Eddie recovering from this "demon cancer."
My heart breaks for you and it takes me back to the last moments with our 6 year old Benny. My husband and I went together and were engulfed in sadness and could not stop the tears from falling on Benny's soft furry head. He put his ears back wondering why Mom and Dad were so sad! After about 10 minutes, the needle went in and Benny left peacefully and our hearts, like yours, broke into a million pieces.Even the vet cried.
Our house was so empty when we returned and nothing seemed to make any sense any more without Benny there. I left his toys intact in the little basket and his red blanket in his bed by the fire has not yet been washed and he died on April 2, 2009.
The pain is forever there when you remember that special puppy who brought so much sense and love into your lives and then is no longer with you. The hurt lessens with time, but I still cry often when I look at Benny's pictures or go somewhere he loved to go and remember the JOY with which he lived every precious moment of every precious day.
Eddie will be with you always and he certainly left long before his time.
I have no words except to say how sorry I am, how much I understand and you will be sad for a very long time.
God Bless you and may you find some peace in each day. Take one day at a time and remember the good times with that wonderful boy!
I am sure he is watching over you and if you look up at the clouds on a sunny day you might just see him floating by. Others here have had signs that their dogs are still very much with them.
However, you cannot hug a "memory" or feel that soft fur or look into those big brown eyes except in a picture. My heart goes out to you.
If you can visit here in the days ahead, you will find comfort and words from others who also understand the great grief you are presently feeling. You feel numb and it is hard to see other people enjoying their lives and don't let anyone ever say:" Get over it, he was just a dog." So many people have said that to me and the tears just flow, because when you have a friend like Eddie or my Benny and you know how much they enrich and improve your life, they are family members and "little boys and girls in fur suits who give unconditional love and ask for nothing in return." I used to look for a "zipper" down Benny's front because he was so human!!!
You do miss them for a LIFETIME and I would be lying if I said anything other than that one truth!

Blessings,
Joanne & Puppy Shadow


I ONLY WANTED YOU

They say memories are golden
well maybe that is true.
I never wanted memories,
I only wanted you.

A million times I needed you,
a million times I cried.
If love alone could have saved you
you never would have died.

In life I loved you dearly,
In death I love you still.
In my heart you hold a place
no one could ever fill.

If tears could build a stairway
and heartache make a lane,
I'd walk the path to heaven
and bring you back again.

Our family chain is broken,
and nothing seems the same.
But as God calls us one by one,
the chain will link again.

Author unknown

shazamom

Thank you so much for this reply, as i sit here writing this the tears continue to stream - i am so lost and i hope he is with me as i still need him and was not ready for this. I hope he is at peace now and can run free and happy, thats all i wish for him. God, why did this have to happen to him???? i need him so bad, i want him back!! i still have a collie-cross called Angus, he was Eddie's best pal and i look at him and i feel for him - this house seems empty, so much sadness - will i ever stop crying?? i have a 3year old how keeps talking about Eddie, she knows thats he's in Heaven but she's 3 and im finding it so hard to cope - i want to run away and hide and greave for my best friend....... sx

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Kellie

i am so sorry. this is very sad news. it was so sweet what you did to stay with benny all night and reminisce. i'm sure he knew how much you loved him and he will always be a part of you. my thoughts are with you. just know that he is home now and feeling healthy and you will see each other again.

Benpaws

I do understand how difficult this is to explain to your little 3 year old. When Benny died, our granddaughter who had grown up with Benny and who was the same age was afraid that she could die too. Of course we reassured her that she would be okay and my husband and I put together a photo album for Isabella of the times she spent with Benny. She carries it with her everywhere and it really helped her to feel less pain.
We have another schnauzer now named SHADOW and the reason we got another at our age ( I am 67 and my husband is 71) was the great loneliness we felt but also Shadow's litter was born at exactly the same time and on the same day as Benny left this earth. We saw it as a "sign" from Benny and a gift from God. They both knew we needed another puppy to love.

You could also in time put together a fun scrapbook with your little girl, a scrapbook of fun times with Eddie. This will bring him into the forefront again and let her know that he will always live within hearts and memories.
It is probably too soon for you as you need your time to grieve the loss.

Also Angus will be feeling the loss as well. When we lost our first schnauzer Wolfgang in 1997 at age 10, his brother Willie could not be comforted. He looked everywhere for his brother and we knew he was suffering. We continued to take him to the parks and places he had gone with Wolfie and let him lie on Wolfie's blankets and smell his brother. We hugged him a lot and talked to him and mentioned Wolfie as well. In time it got better but we felt so badly for Willie. It was comforting for us to have Willie and not an empty house, but he was missing his best friend just as your Angus is now. Willie lived 4 more years and died of renal failure at the age of 13. He came home one frosty January night after a good walk in the snow and went downstairs where he never went and the next morning we took him to the vet and he never came home with us. What a shock! We got Benny the next September and he was a nephew of Wolfgang and Willie.

Give it all time. I hope this helps a little. Hug that darling baby girl tightly and reassure her that Eddie is no longer in pain and he is playing and enjoying his life with puppies he has met over the Rainbow Bridge. I am sure Benny was there to greet Eddie. Also you might want to read RAINBOW BRIDGE to your daughter and I think a child this young could understand the meaning of the poem and feel reassured.

Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

Also, find a place where you can go and cry and release the pain you are feeling. I reiterate.....I AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS!

Hugs,
Joanne & Shadow

TJandDante

I am so sorry for your loss,I just responded on the other thread. I know just what you are going through,it is so hard and so unfair and you miss them SO MUCH and you feel like the pain will overwhelm you. They love us so much and ask for so little.
Know you did the right thing, the only thing you had left that you could do for him. You promised him you would not let him suffer and you kept your promise.
Stay with us here and you will see that you will heal, you will feel better (its a slow process)and in helping others you will help yourself.
Hugs
TJ

hershey

I can't say anything better than has already been said. The people here are amazing support. I am so sorry for your loss. We just went through the exact same thing with our westie hershey this week. We had to put him down on Tuesday. He was diagnosed just 2 weeks ago with lymphoma, stage 5b, and we saw no signs of this. he was happy and playful until 2 weeks ago when we got the terrible diagnosis and by tuesday he couldn't breathe. it was a fluid build up in his chest. they said they could not keep draining it. i am so sorry. it feels like there's a big hole in your heart and home. i still feel it too.

SCanuk

Hello Friend:

I just cannot add anything more than what has been said already. The sad thing is that our furry friends just don't live as long as we do. It is the way they go out of this world leaving us behind that breaks us apart emotionally. Your Eddie knows how much you love him and you repaid him back with the most unconditional love you have - to end their pain. Eddie will always be with you.

Being a dog lover for many decades I have had to end the pain for three other furry family members. They all had great long lives and I still miss them terribly. I have pictures of them displayed and I can look at them and smile, remembering the good times we shared.

Angus will need lots of hugs as he would have known Eddie was sick. I am sure they understand a lot more than we think. My Willie (3 yr old rescue puppy) knows that Kira is sick and he has been quite depressed the last few weeks. I know he will miss her terribly when she her time comes to an end.

This site with all the wonderful people here are great for releasing your emotions - when you feel you can't be open at home or work about it. Most people do not understand the bond you can have with a furry family member. I am closer to my dogs than a lot of my relatives and have grieved more over the loss of my dog than some people (a terrible thing to write - but I am being honest).

Take care of yourself as Eddie would always want you to be happy and remember the good times you shared. He will always be with you.

Sheila and Kira

shazamom

Thank you Sheila,

It was as if you have read my mind - i am more heartbroken over Eddie than i have every been about anything (inculding many human relatives). He was always trying to please me and make me happy so im sure that you are right and that he would hate to see me sad - he always did and he always came up with his big smile and gave me big kisses! I think that Angus will be ok, we have given him free run of the house including sleeping in bedrooms! which they were never allowed to do before (with a bullmastiff's drool - not a good idea) so he is being my shadow at the moment which i really like, i think that he knows that i need him and he needs me too i guess. It was great that i was with Ed the night before he died and able to hold him while he died and im very proud of myself for keeping it together and trying to keep fairly up beat (although inside i kept thinking "just hold it together for just 10 more minutes, for Eddie's sake" im pretty sure he knew what i was doing but i tried so hard to let him know how much i loved him and talked about the old times when it was just "us" without breaking down and crying. I didnt want to scare him anymore and i hope he went peacefully and not mad that i let the vet put him down. I have lost pets in the past and although it was very hard (they all died older) it was no where near as hard as this. Maybe because he was so big (13 stone!) he comanded attention and went into a huff if you didnt give him what he wanted, he truely was an amzing friend and i feel like i have given a big chunk of my heart away and that is the hole that i feel so deeply today.

Shazamom

Benpaws

"DOGS ARE NOT OUR WHOLE LIFE BUT THEY MAKE OUR LIVES WHOLE!"
Indeed Eddie will be with you FOREVER and you will see him in many places and "remember."
He knew you were sad over something because dogs have that intuition when it comes to their best friend. He also knew you would only do what was best for him as you always had. As the poem says: "If love alone could have saved you, you never would have died."

I just got a very sad email that one of my best friend's sister to tell me that Margaret who has had a very difficult, abusive and troubled life has inoperable pancreatic and liver cancer and has less than 6 months to live. I am feeling a little numb because there is nothing I can do for her except pray that her pain will soon be over. We had such special moments together and she was so kind to everyone.

The one good thing when our puppies get too ill to go on, we have the choice to make a rational and heartfelt decision on their behalf to end their pain. I cannot do that for Margaret. I really would if I could.

Take each day, one day at a time and hug your baby girl and Angus and your husband and enjoy all the good things in each day. "BIG ED" is watching over you all.

Hugs,
Joanne & Shadow