josie

A year and a half ago I gave birth to my first daughter. One day later my grandmother died. Three months after that my father died suddenly. Four and a half months ago our Wisp was diagnosed with Lymphoma. We were devastated of course.
I took hold of my sadness and did as much research as I possibly could. Changed her diet immediately to raw and started on essiac tea, supplements and flaxoil. And found a new vet, a holistic approach and found some HOPE. And I also found this site, thankfully.
For four wonderful months one would never guess that our girl was sick at all. We even wondered sometimes if she really had it. So everyday we celebrated her presence and her love of life.
Two weeks ago I got scared and called my husband home from work. She was sad and tired. Our vet offered us steroids for the first time but he honestly didn't have a lot of hope.
Her nodes went down dramatically and her smile came back. We were thrilled and our vet was as well as much as he was surprised.
I called my husband home from work again almost two weeks later on thursday- I was worried. Her nodes in her neck were large and hard again and she was down. He called the vet who suggested that it was time. WE MADE AN APPOINTMENT. So so so hard.
On friday she really let us know. For the first time during this horrible disease my girl did not eat. She lay on the floor looking very sad. We went for a walk and managed to give her some steroids in some cheese. And prayed for one more day as we were having a party for her that night. She did come around for all of her visitors! It was sad and happy all at the same time and we realized how many people love us and her.
Yesterday was the hardest day of my life. I took her for a last slow walk around the block. My sister came to be with me and the baby at home. I chose not to go. My husband and a dear friend went. They also took our other border collie to say good-bye.
The vet called her "a real trooper", because she was much sicker than she ever let on. He had a very hard time finding a vein because essentially, her veins were exploding- something that also happens with Lymphoma. It brought us some peace to know we were there at the right time, as of course she seemed quite well yesterday and we wanted to bail.
I want everyone who is facing this to know that for us it was much nicer to have her go on a fairly good day. The last few days were the most torturous I have ever endured. And when it was over there was a sense of relief and peace. And she did not suffer.
Now I face the missing her part which is hell on earth right now. Our house is different, so different. The pain is so great I cannot eat or sleep.
Wisp was a special dog that we adopted who had been left at a kill shelter in New York city. I found her on the internet and it was love at first sight. She showed signs of abuse and that she had been starved. She was my little love project and man did it turn out great. Now I feel that the lymphoma may have been nothing compared to what she faced in her first nine months of life, and that is why she was so tough and brave. She also wanted to make us proud. I couldn't be more.
Thanks in advance for love and support in this most awful of times- Josie

rockytola

Sorry to hear the news about Wisp. We lost our beloved Cocker Spaniel, Rocky to lymphoma in August...he was only 7 and like you we did everything we could but in the end he and we knew it was time. Write down all the good things you can remember about your time together and look at them from time to time....it will be so cathartic for you...I know it was for us.
Take care

John

TJandDante

Tears are running down my face as I hurt for you,my friend. Know that you did the right thing and that Wisp told you when the time was right. I am so close to being where you are so I know some of the pain you are going through. I am proud of you for not letting her endure any more hardship-it demonstrates why she trusted you so much. I have been reading about end of life for dogs and they hide their sickness and pain-it is instinctual in them because in the wild, dogs that are sick or hurt are killed or cut out of the pack. You went beyond her outward appearance and listened to what she was telling you emotionally.
We are here for you and I hope you can take some comfort in that as you go through the grief. What a wonderful life you gave your orphan girl!Always remember that and all the good times you gave each other.

mybestfriend

Dear Josie, I am so sorry about the loss of Wisp. Know you and your husband did everything you could do and Wisp knew that. Take your time on the grieving and don't let anyone tell you different. Hopefully you can find come comfort in knowing that Wisp is free from pain and is running with all our fur babies at rainbow bridge. We will be ready to talk and help you when you need it. You will be in our thoughts and prayers, Jim.

__________________
Rene, Bailey,Angel, Dolce and Jim Remembering "Daddy's girl Dasha"

Madchen's Mom

Dear Josie,

Your girl has gone to a place of peace and comfort. You and your husband helped her go there. It was a difficult decision, I know. But out of your love for her, you made the choice to let her go. Grieving is a normal part of loss. Take all the time you need and don't let anyone rush you. I had unfeeling people who told me "it's just a dog" and "get over it" when Jake died. You will never find that here.

We all share your pain because we know the same heartbreak. Our furry babies are so important to us because the love we share is so different from the other relationships in our lives. We have their total devotion and trust and because of their unselfish love, we respond in kind.

My heart goes out to you and your family in your time of loss. The years you shared with Wisp were the best of her life. Remember how deepy blessed you both were to have found each other.

Madchen's Mom, Jackie

Benpaws

Dear Friend Josie,
My tears fall as I read through your posting on Wisp. My heart goes out to you and I do feel your pain.
I am also so very saddened that you lost your beloved grandmother a day after your baby girl's birth. I am sure your grandma is an angel looking over your daughter since she came into this world.
Also, belated condolences for the sudden passing of your father. You have had your share of sorrow and now, your precious Wisp is gone from your earthly life, but forever in your heart and memories and pictures.
Know that you gave Wisp a loving home and took her away from any abuse she may have suffered during the first 9 months of her life. Yes, our pets do tell us in very subtle ways when it is their time to turn that corner. I am glad you saw this and that your sister and husband and other border Collie were with Wisp as she passed peacefully across that Rainbow Bridge where there is no pain, no CANCER, only sunlight and youth and green grass and other pets playing and enjoying their moments in the sun.
It is understandable that you are having difficulty eating and sleeping right now as you begin the "grieving process" which can take days, months, even years, but with time, each day gets a little easier.
It is particularly sad when our loved ones, be it parents, grandparents,or other relatives or our family pets pass away at the time of Christmas when we find such solace in being TOGETHER and bonding in love.
Wisp will be with you even though you can no longer touch her soft fur or gaze into her big brown eyes. She will be the brightest star on a clear night, the soft flakes of snow falling to the ground, the jingle of sleigh bells, the sweetest note in Christmas Carol and you might even see her in the clouds on a clear day. I quite often see Benny.
Wisp taught you so much about life while she was with you. On her walks she taught you to appreciate every blade of grass, every droplet of rain, every "wisp" of a breeze in your face, every bug on a tree stump. She taught you what love is all about and it is found in the simplest of things. Love was born with Wisp as it is with every pet who comes to live with us, human beings who need to learn the simple things and stop and "smell the roses and live in the moment."
She gave you unconditional love and you gave it back and Wisp was so lucky to live in your home and be your friend.
My prayers go out to you and your family. Hug that baby girl tightly and also your other puppy and know that your love was not wasted for one moment and one day your heart will once again find PEACE.
Everyone here shares in your sorrow.


Blessings and Prayers,
Joanne & Puppy Shadow

"When a Pet Dies

When a pet dies, that special place in our hearts
feels so empty...
But we realize, as time passes, that animals have
a way of teaching us about loving, about
loyalty, joy, and friendship...
And whatever we've shared in their presence can never
really be lost.

debbiec

Hi Josie

So sorry to read about Wisp, but on the positive side it sounds like she was so lucky to have you and your family as you did all the right things, even when it became obvious that her time with you was getting close to the end.

Its a terrible feeling when they have gone, as you said your house is different, it is such an empty feeling isnt it. As everyone here will tell you think of all the happy times you had with Wisp, and the joy she bought to your life, thats about all there is you can do at a time like this. Also make sure you still come back to the site, as it does help, strangely enough reading other peoples posts, and sharing in their stories and sometimes being able to give advice does make things feel a bit better, plus the people here understand and when you have those days where sadness is overwhelming then you can talk about it to others that know exactly how you feel.

Thinking of you at this terrible time.